Good morning my Friends,
a lot has been happening since my last update here and I will try to keep it in an easy to read order. Not that simple and you will see why soon.
For Mommies these may be an emotional charged Post (it is for me writing it) so fair warning and you may wish to get some tissues before reading it.
As many of you have guessed by now, I am a pretty straight forward woman in the way I think, talk and act. What some of you may have noticed is that I am also a very loving Mom who for many years has wrapped her being around her kids. Yes, Kids as in plural there were three that was raised by me. Again yes you read correctly more then those, but those were all I was allowed by the powers that be to cherish, raise and love in person. The is a Story I will tell you some other time. When Divorce comes into play, things can get pretty ugly at times and kids can have their heads turned all sorts of ways. My Story is no different.
In my household we kept strict but reasonable Rules. You know those that mean, you are home at a certain time, your homework has to be done, you do your chores, you don't lie, you don't steal, you tell me where you are going and better be there, I know you friends. Simple normal things, but you also don't get everything you want just handed to you as well. With other words I am preparing you for the real world. You want something you have to earn it.
In my Ex husbands household there were no such rules, and the few he did have he just was too busy doing other things to re-enforce. The kids I did have the pleasure and pain of raising were two Girls - Diana & Regina JR & my son - Alexander.
My Ex and I had agreed to shared custody 6months / 6 months with alternating weekends. With other words if they were during the week with me, they would go to him on the weekends and vice verse. We thought it would be a good idea. It turned out to be a mistake.
I got remarried as you already know and my Ex for years just sort of flitted from lady to lady. Oh well that is most guys really, so can't say nothing about that. I have long since gotten over my hatred for the guy, we both fucked up and what happened happened.
All the years that I was married to him, his Father and Stepmother #4 didn't want anything to do with us, but as soon as they found out that we were divorced, suddenly they are crawling out of the woodwork. Now you have to understand that I don't have any parents so my kids have never really had any Grandparents. Something every child dearly wants. Of course the first meeting they are getting all sorts of things from them, presents, gifts etc. Ok, no problem.
A while later they invite my kids to Pennsylvania for a Summer Vacation. Not fine, not great, I knew things were starting to go wrong here. But they begged, he pushed and I finally gave in. Fine it is only a few weeks you can go, but promise me to come back home.
At this point they are now at the Age that they can chose where they want to live and my income was not the best. Let us face it, neither of us paid Child Support to the other, neither could afford it.
My kids went and had a marvelous time. They all hated Las Vegas and were happy to be gone. Of course during this Vacation it was all fun and games. Isn't it always. They came back, happy and with now new found Grandparents and a batch of lies and BS in their Bags as well. Their attitude towards my husband was already changing in my oldest and my youngest. My Middle on Regina (nick name IMP) always was more cautious of him. She didn't want her heart broken again. Now stress is starting to get worst in the home.
Less then one year later, my ex tells my kids some sort of horror story and they tell me on a Friday that they want to go live with their Grandparents for 1 Year to make it easier on all of us and that they were going to leave on Monday. I find that out at Work when I was still working for a Newspaper Promotions Company as a Typist.
The Flight is booked, this is during his period and I have the ...this is going to happen spill.
I asked my kids if this is what they really wanted. I begged them not to go, but I was pretty well told that they would go or run away. Nice ain't it?
Fine then go. They were happy there right? No clue that this is not going to be like on vacation, but all right. Go.
That was the last time I saw my oldest. Right before her 16th Birthday. She refused to ever return. Saying she finally had a real Mother there and that I had chosen my now husband over my kids. What a bunch of BS.
But here is the story how it really works. My oldest was treated like a Princess there. She always was the official "pretty girl", my son of course being the Boy was the Crown Prince. His father is the Grandfathers oldest. My middle child however was entirely too much like me. She is also too smart to fall for long to too many lies and found out real quick how things work.
Within about 3 months she begged me to be allowed to come home and told me her brother wanted to come as well. She never did want to seperate her family.
I borrowed the money and asked if Di wanted to return as well. The answer was no. Ok, fine your choice. I flew my middle child and my baby back to me.
Only it seemed that my Son didn't really want the rules again and missed Pennsylvania. He started causing more and more problems in school, started breaking just about every Rule in the book and started simply dissappearing at times. I had started dealing with anxiety attacks while my kids were gone, and a lot of other emotional issues set on by worries and stress. So this was not helping. The final straw came one night when I found him by his fathers apartment at 9:30 pm at night. He was supposed to be home before 7 pm and was somewhere completely different then I was told he was going to be.
When I found him he looked at me like I was some idiot bitch from hell. Fine you want to live with your father full time. (His father had made noises to that affect about 2 months before that he wanted to have Alex and me keep Gina). I guess that was what Alex wanted too, so I gave him his wish. Alex stayed that night with his Father and came the next day to get his stuff. This was about 2 years ago, since then he moved with his Father to Pennsylvania and I have seen him about 3 times. Neither Diana or Alex consider me their Mother anylonger. Beware of the power of Grandparents, money and lies.
The only one nobody besides me seemed to want was Regina JR. Imp could not be so easily swayed. She questions everything you tell her, she loves Rules and knowing someone is caring about her. She wanted to be with her Mom and we became closer then ever.
She also felt extremely abandoned by her brother and sister. Neither can talk to her longer then 30 seconds without them fighting. So they simply stopped talking. She never did get over her Father kicking her in the back which was the finally straw on my end. She has not seen him since then.
When she needed her tonsils removed (not good at an advanced age) it was her Mom and Step Dad who were by her side and it was her step dad that guarded her against all others like a Dragon. Hence her nickname for him Papa Dragon. Since then she only accepts her Step Dad as her Daddy and calls her father the Sperm Donor.
That is the background of the Story. Now Imp is gone as well. With the Economy the way it is she could not afford to go to college the way she had planned. This amazing little girl even graduated an entire year early out of High School and did so with Honors. I told you she was smart! Only to find out that she did not qualify for any Scholarships. She started working at age 16 and lost her job. Could not find another one either, since guess what she refuses to learn Spanish. Around here you have to be Mexican, speak Spanish or be a size 3. I am not kidding either.
During her last year in High School she needed me home to help her. That plus some really lovely comments from my boss as to my kids situation, prompted me to give up my job at which I would often have to work 50+ hours a week, no overtime, no benefits and no thank you. Doing the work of 3 people at the pay rate of 1.
This is when I started trying to make my living on the internet, doing whatever it takes to make ends meet. It was pretty good in the beginning, but since the economy went to shit, well lets just say money is tight. So after a lot of back and forth, and with Imp always liking the idea of the Airforce, she decided to join and try to make a Lifetime Career of it. (30 Years). Go to College throughout and get her Law Degree during. Smart Imp.
She left on Monday January 12th 2009 and I have been missing her ever since then.
On my end of course it means that my last baby has flown the nest, and I have had a difficult time with it. Trust me each time one of my kids left it almost tore me apart, but I always had to think of at least the remaining ones and that gave me the strength I needed to move forward.
Now with Imp gone as well I am sort of adrift. Have you ever heard of Empty Nest Syndrome? Trust me it is very very real. But I am learning to adjust and I focus on trying to earn the extra cash it is going to take to see her graduate in 8 more weeks.
Of course that too is not going to be a cake walk. Hell, how many of you have had to deplete their savings just to pay every day bills, because the bills raise, the cost of living is going up, I be damned if the income isn't getting lower and lower each day? Well, my household is no exception to the rule. I am currently $300 behind just on regular bills and making it is like pulling teeth.
I have figured out that I need to make $1200 extra just to take the trip down to San Antonio to see her graduate and spend the day with her before she goes on to the next step.
I have started a new Blog to keep connected to her daily in thoughts and spirits. She asked me to keep a Journal daily to let her know what I am up to and what is going on. I thought that this was a great idea and opportunity to connect with other Military Mom's as well, give Imp a positive journal (yes I am extremely careful what I post there) to read when she can and also a way to try to make money for the trip. I have added ads to it, posted my "hire me" sign up and yes even placed a donation via PayPal option on it. I know that I can't make the money by myself. I hate to ask for help, but this is not for me. This is for my IMP as well. She needs to see me in those stands when she marches down that field.We her Papa Dragon and I are the last of her family she has left that care about her. I can not let her down! NO NO NO NO!!!
If you would like to read the Blog, want to help out, join the readership etc. Please visit us at: http://www.Journalofanaiforcemom.info (yes I know an R is missing, but that was a typo when I registered it in, didn't mean to do it. Just couldn't afford to register it again.)
In the meantime, I am still writing as much as I can with Articles. I have tried several work from home job opportunities just to be extremely disappointed. Either they were scams, had large output to start with (I can't afford to pay even $25.00 right now to start anything, never the less those 99 and more upstarts) or just simply didn't pay off.
I am still working on the phones as well, but even there the business has dropped to almost nothing. I am a bit concerned, but eh.
Another downside of living in Las Vegas...there is no call for home crafted Items. So my handy crafts bunked as well. Sorry but I can't afford to spend $15.00 to make an Item, work on it for 6 hours and then sell it for $5.00
I want to move away from here so badly, but that too would cost money. Wouldn't it?
Last thing. I found this Website, they do give you a $5.00 Sign up bonus. If you like doing surveys, try things etc. You may want to give it a chance. I will make a bigger post about it later, but for now here is a link if you want to check it out. I honestly haven't done a lot with it yet, because I just had too many other things to deal with. But it looks pretty good.
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